My ex husband pulled crap on me Christmas Day. A couple weeks before, he sent a text explaining that he had a time conflict with picking up our son at the scheduled time of noon on Christmas Day. I (very graciously, I might add) agreed to a 2pm pickup time instead, and planned our Christmas morning according to that. At 11am Christmas morning, he sent a text saying that he would be 2 hours earlier than our agreed-upon time, and showed up a little after noon. I didn't think it would be good for our boy for me to put up a fight about it. So I had him ready, and sent him out the front door bundled up with an armful of gifts that he had carefully picked out for his daddy. I sat down after he left and cried my eyes out. And then promptly got really upset with myself for letting my ex make me think I was getting an extra 2 hours with my boy on Christmas Day. I spent the rest of the afternoon at my parents' house, which was nice. By 8pm I was home, and by 8:30pm I had every remnant of Christmas packed up and out of my house.
I spent the next 3 days going to the gym, and watching movies at home by myself. I'm still reeling from the loss in early December. I'm not very good company to any friends or family right now. I kept watching all of my friends' Facebook posts of their family snow trips and adventures, and needed to just be a recluse.
I am blessed with friends and family. And especially with friends who include me on their adventures. On Tuesday I left for Suncadia Resort with several friends and their families, to celebrate the new year. It was a great trip! Such a beautiful place, and with friends I adore. We had a beautiful dinner on New Year's Eve in the lodge restaurant, and then went back to our suite to ring in 2015 with their kids. I've gotten used to being an 'extra wheel' with my friends and their husbands. But something about New Year's Eve and being single again just twisted my guts. I had a great attitude on the trip.....and at the stroke of midnight, burst into tears.
I remind myself every day, and am thankful every day, for all of my blessings. I know my situation isn't the worst case scenario. But the 'Things Could Be Worse' mantra is really NOT helpful. I will never be the person who comforts someone else by saying "it could be worse". I feel like it's the same as saying "you shouldn't be so happy about that thing that just happened, because something better just happened to someone else." YES my life could be worse. But FUUUUCK I'm sad about the stuff that isn't going well!!!! And it doesn't make me ungrateful to admit that! I felt like a jerk for being sad at midnight though, hugging a bunch of people I love dearly, standing in a beautiful suite in a lodge in the mountains, while holding a glass of champagne.
I spent this past weekend doing the same thing I'd done the previous weekend. Except for the gym. I didn't go. I just didn't have the energy. But I cleaned my house and watched movies. Okay, sobbed through the movies. And did research on child/spousal support enforcement. There was another crappy thing my ex has tossed at me. Late payment. Right after Christmas. No warning or acknowledgement, nothing.
I got my boy back last night, and couldn't get enough of him. We played with his new Christmas gifts and snuggled until it was time to go to bed. I missed him so much it hurt, and was so glad to have him back home. I hope he had a wonderful vacation with his dad too.
And this morning while waiting for the school bus, I noticed that my ex boyfriend had unfriended me on Facebook. On NYE, I had 'unfollowed' him so I wouldn't get that gut-wrenching heart-bottoming-out feeling whenever something of his popped up on my newsfeed. I would have to go and purposely look at his page instead of just seeing it while scrolling.... This morning I went to comment on a mutual friend's photo, and saw that he'd commented before me. And I clicked on his profile to see his new profile picture. He'd unfriended me. My heart broke all over again. I know it's silly. But I've been in tears ever since. I didn't think we had hard feelings. But he's discarded me this way now too, and I feel absolutely awful about it.. I thought we would stay friends, and my finding this morning was almost as devastating as the breakup was a month ago. I miss him every single day. How in the HELL do you fall out of love with someone?! Please give me a map. I will follow it perfectly.
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