I don't understand hateful behavior.....and I vow to never hate anyone as much as he must hate me, to be happy at the prospect of me suffering a major car malfunction. 

I have been under tremendous stress, well, since becoming a mother. But in the last few months, it feels like it never rains, but it pours. My kiddo has a gnarly cold, which translates to massive barf, bloody noses, and restless nights.  My nanny family has been really sick off and on with probably the same cold. My home's new water pressure pump started leaking. I've dumped about $3,500 into my car in less than a year. That's more than the car is worth, and I'm done throwing money at it. I am extremely blessed by my Fairy Godmother, who is buying me a new car. Yes. That is happening. I just have to find The One. CRAZY!! There's no way I can do it for myself. It's health insurance, OR a car payment....not both.  Last week, I had a buyer for my current car. I took it in for an oil change, and to have the brake fluid refilled. The dealership tried to jilt me out of $1,700 worth of work, and told me the car was unsafe to drive. WHAT?! They insisted that it needed new brakes, front AND back, and a new master cylinder. Uh, NO. I called my mechanic, and he got it out of lockdown for me. It needed a new rear caliper and new rear brake pads ONLY. Front brakes were at 50%. So it cost me $400, but she's up and running again. This whole thing has stressed me OUT. 

FUCK YOU, KLEIN HONDA IN EVERETT WASHINGTON!!!! 

*ahem*

Anyway. I've been driving my 'work' vehicle for a week, while my car is in the shop. My work rig is ridiculously beautiful, and my employers spoil me rotten letting me use it when my car is throwing a hissy fit. It's a 2015 Cadillac Escalade. Glorious. So my ex husband has seen me driving it for a week. 

Today, my son had early release from school. And as per usual, his father didn't make adjustments to his work schedule to accommodate an earlier pickup. That would be "extra" time with his son, and he doesn't do that. 

I was herding my boy, and my nanny charge outside. My boy to his father's truck, and my nanny charge into the Escalade so I could take her to KungFu. My ex approached me to ask why I was driving the Escalade. 

Him (barely repressing a smirk) "So...why are you driving that so much? Did your car die?"

Me "I'm on kid duty...?"

Him "Oh. I thought your car had finally croaked and died." Except now, he was full on SMILING at the prospect of me being without a car. This is not the first time he's found joy in my broken whatevers. When my house water pump died last summer, he thought that was HILARIOUS. 

Let's pause and think about that for a minute....what if my car died while I had our son with me? Which? HIGHLY LIKELY, considering that I have him 90% of the time!! Why would he find something to smile about in that?! If my expenses take a big increase because I need a new car, then SO WILL HIS when we review child support!!  His current wife has a brand new SUV, and he has been driving the same old truck for 13 years. Would it be funny if she and her kids were stranded without a car? NO! That's probably why she has a brand new car! Do I want my ex stuck on the side of the road somewhere, potentially with our son?! HELL NO! 

In spite of my incredulousness, I was able to immediately thank The Universe for giving me yet another glaring example of how I'm better off now. While I'm pissed at his nastiness, I'm no longer surprised. Honestly, I feel more sorry for him now, than ever before. He must be miserable, to continue to be so cruel. I imagine that upholding that glittery façade of 'never been happier' must be exhausting. Happy people don't find joy in other people's misfortune. 

Sweetness

Just wanted to share some sweetness that I'm so grateful for.....

I've had two major relationships since my split with my son's father. First with Amazon exec for 1.5 years. He never met my son, and treated me like a dirty little secret. He was always intimidated by my son's special needs. Specifically the sensory barfing. He just married the woman he dumped me for. 

Relationship #2, was Text Dumper. 7 months. He met my son, and did well with him. I think he dumped me for two reasons. First, he was a "grass is greener" guy. He landed me, so who else can he *get*? And I think the reality of me never being an empty nester, became too much for him. His boys were my son's age, but would be leaving home at college time. 

Fast forward to Aaron. We've been together 5 months, and it is going great. I met his boys last weekend for the first time, and it went well. We're taking that slow. I introduced him to my son very early on. After the previous two experiences, I wanted him to meet my boy early. If he was going to cut bait and run, I wanted him to do it before I fell in love with him. 

He didn't run. He's sticking! :) And he *gets* my boy. Truly understands who he is. Last night while we were talking on the phone, he said "I can't wait for the first major barf incident!"

What?! 

I said just that....."what?!"

He replied that he knows it will happen, and it's just a part of that awesome kid, and he can handle it.

WHAT?! Braeden's own father couldn't hang.....and this man is not only embracing The BarfMaster 2000, he is welcoming the challenges of the hardest part of this?!

I cried. BAWLED. I don't know how I got so lucky.

Six Months

Long time no write!!! Saaaaawrry....but I've been busy living, and being heart-explody (booooooffffff) and stuff. 

Yes. You read that right. 

Aaaaaaaalllllll of those sayings and platitudes .....that used to PISS ME OFF....

"He's just not done with his own trials and ready for you yet!" 

"Spend time doing the things you love, and you'll find him within living your best life!"

"He's out there!"

"Time heals, give it time!"

Uh...they're all true. 

Remember when I said Mr. Right would have to find me in the laundry room at work, folding underwear, while wearing sweats, no makeup and a baseball hat? (Me. Not him. Although he probably was wearing sweats, no makeup and a baseball hat) That's exactly the scenario when I got the first text from him. 

We've been together for 5 months now, and I am so blissed out, I am genuinely sure I will be making you all barf with the schmoopiness of it all. 

I am here to tell you that the platitudes and glittery cloud memes are TRUE. That "just keep swimming" works. Living your life true to yourself, and what you want, brings good things? T-R-U-E! 

I may still get through trials kicking and screaming, and muttering obscenities under my breath. I'm not going to start farting glitter now. Well, not ALL the time. But now I have again been reminded that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. And this time, it's not a train! 

I should also point out that I FULLY understand that life throws curve balls, people change their minds and hearts, and nothing is forever. 

But Ima enjoy the crap out of every good moment, sweet comment and date night. If we're REALLY lucky, we'll look up and be old and gray, still holding hands.