The status update in question, said "I have to give props to my single parent friends, because I've gotten a taste of being a single parent this week while my husband is away on business. So credit to you single parents, just not the ones who have every other weekend off."
What?! At the time, she and I had been struggling with our friendship a bit. She accused me of being "petty" over some things, and I felt like she was being a judgmental bitch. She was trying to goad me into a fight, and I wasn't taking the bait. Her post might very well have been targeting a soft spot, which it did. OR, it could've had nothing at all to do with me. However, I did take offense to it. Aaaaand I never said anything about it. I'm big on picking my battles, and this wasn't one I wanted to engage.
Today another friend posted about something she deals with constantly. People being passive-aggressive about her seemingly charmed life, out of jealousy. She addressed it maturely, and pointed out that we never know what someone has been through, and we should be happy for people's happiness, and assume to know nothing about how their life appears.
And then I hijacked her post. This was my comment...."Like when someone gives a back-handed compliment about your job? "Must be nice to not have to pay for daycare since you can take your kid with you!"
Seriously? Get your a$$ over here and spend 24 hours with my special needs child. Actually, just change one poopy diaper and tell me how "nice it must be".
OR!
When you find yourself involuntarily a single mom of the aforementioned child, and someone says "It must be nice to have every other weekend off."
You know what? That is one of the *perks* that isn't a freaking perk AT ALL! I'm missing out on time and milestones with my son!! *I* get to appreciate that I get breaks now, because I HAVE TO FIND GOOD in aaaaaalllllllll the smelly rottenness of divorce! It is NOT something that someone who hasn't been through it gets to taunt me with!!! Why do people think I'm not curled up in the fetal position, sucking my thumb and crying?! Or sleeping the ENTIRE time my son is gone, to catch up for the 4 nights in a row I was awake with him while he had The Barfs!!
I mean, these are all hypothetical scenarios.
Hypothetical scenarios that make me a firm believer in this quote "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle you know nothing about."
Okay. I'm done hijacking your rant. *drops microphone*"
It infuriated me that anyone feels they have a *right* to an opinion about whether or not my friend 'deserves' her lifestyle. She has been to hell and back a couple times. But she shouldn't have to explain that to ANYONE!!
I was asked at a retreat in November, what was my greatest desire right now. I answered immediately, "to be part of an intact family unit." Yes I get every other weekend "off". Yes, my son and I are still in our home, and yes I have a cushy job. I say, LUCKY US! To have been through what we both have in life, NOT just the divorce, we deserve what we have, and I appreciate every single nuance of it. As I mentioned in my comment above, I have to find good in this mess that was thrown on me, and if I get every other weekend off.....I have to appreciate the good parts about that. I would trade it in a SECOND to have my family intact. I would trade it in a SECOND to have what my friend does, even with her husband gone on business.
And while I'm at it... Because your husband is gone for extended trips? You DO NOT know what it's like to be a single parent. Not even if you were a child of divorce. You do NOT know until you've experienced it yourself. The loneliness, the oppressive weight of knowing it's all on your shoulders. YES, even on your weekends *off*. The stress of starting over, and of trying to figure out how in the hell to plan for your child's AND your future. I don't expect or need anyone to feel sorry for me, but don't dare pretend to know what I'm dealing with unless you've been through it too. I wish I could look at my situation through those rose-colored glasses!!
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