Losses That Are Actually Gains In Disguise

It took a few years to understand that part of parenting a special needs child, is accepting that there will be little losses all along the way. I didn't just decide to accept that he would have struggles, and  continue on....business as usual. I came to realize that with the little losses, there are also little AND big victories. My boy is almost completely non-verbal, but he is able to communicate his needs to me fairly well. He isn't potty trained, but I never have the panicked "I have to pee!" yell from the back seat while driving across the top of a mountain pass.

I've only recently figured out that this also applies to letting go of a failed marriage, and the anger of having been betrayed and subsequently raked over the coals. My ex husband had an affair, but I no longer have to watch him pick his toenails in my bed! 

Yay me.

I've recently been through another court action, and it SUUUUUCKED. I *get* that opposing counsel is paid to be assholes. I hope opposing counsel can sleep at night after saying the things she did about me. I also hope she had such helpful advice for her own client with regard to monthly finances. It's almost funny....except it's disgusting.

Anyway, anger. I have that. Lots of things I thought I'd worked through have been tickled by this legal action. I'm a big believer in working through my shit (see yesterday's post) and putting it to rest. So I'm making a conscious decision to let out the venom, work through it, and move on from it. I have a couple of friends who are in the throes of divorce right now. It has been helpful for me to talk with them about what they're going through. Sure, it's stirring up old wounds for me. I'm taking that as a sign that I really hadn't finished slogging through it. I'm choosing to look at the old monsters with both of my big green eyes, stare those fuckers down, squack and whinge, and put it to rest. I've sounded off about a few things with my friends these last few weeks, and have been successful at feeling like I ticked a few off my list of 'Things That Instantly Piss Me Off And Keep Me Awake At Night'. Losses and wins. One step at a time.