Ponderous

Something I've been thinking about a lot, based on differing opinions in many areas of my life, is something I started to learn with the help of a counselor. It started there, but I had to learn it by going through a failed marriage, and a couple of long-ish failed relationships subsequently. I *heard* it from my counselor and some friends....but I didn't really GET IT until a few months after that last break up. 

My relationship with Aaron isn't the end all, be all. That should NOT be the case for ANY of us! If I've learned nothing, I've learned that relationships can end at any time. Because I've found a good one, doesn't mean the rest of my life is peaches and cream!! I have MANY, many wonderful things going for me. I appreciate every single good thing, every single day. But those things HELP me navigate the parts that are SHIT. If every part of my life sucked, I wouldn't be able to handle the special needs parenting by myself, the public trashing from my ex and his wife, the financial stress, worrying about not having any retirement, my current thyroid problem, and all of the 'what ifs'. But NO relationship *fixes* everything. And I will never put that kind of pressure on a relationship, ever again. I needed to be whole on my own. I thought I was, because I was living day to day without sinking totally underwater. But I was still longing for a relationship, and very lonely. Only when I finally threw my hands up in the air and acknowledged that I was truly fine on my own, and didn't need a man, did I get there.  I got there. Mostly kicking and screaming, but that's how I roll. 

Then I met Aaron. He enhances life. But he didn't make everything magically better. And because I found him, doesn't mean I'm not still frustrated to the point of snot-bubbling anger, over the shit my ex husband and his wife pull. It doesn't mean I don't still need to vent about my personal frustrations and worries. I am going to get a *tune up* with my counselor about how to deal with things in this stage of life, post-divorce. Because I don't like how I feel about those frustrations. I can't stress enough, how important it is to be proactive one way or another (religion, counseling, alanon meetings. Whatever works best for you) for your own mental health and well-being. 

Part of my point is that I think it's very important to listen to each other, even if our own circumstances are so different, that we don't fully understand. I think people (in general) can be very dismissive of someone else's issues or complaints, because we think they have *everything* we long for. Every person I know has something I long for. It doesn't mean I should dismiss their pain or frustrations. I've also learned the importance of actually considering the suggestions from my friends, when I do vent. It might seem like something completely inconvenient. But if I'm going to talk about it, I should darn well pay attention to the feedback.