Have you ever had an epiphany about yourself so profound that you actually *facepalmed*? This was one of those moments for me. I commented something like "Huh. I never thought of it that way. I might be an alpha female?" To which she responded with "DUH!! Ya think?! Lol!!"
I do think of myself as strong. I do give myself limited credit for being resilient and for being the best mom for my son. But, as pointed out last night by a new (and very insightful) friend....I don't ever acknowledge that I've been to hell and back, and not only survived it, but handled it well. I know that I downplay my strengths, usually by thinking that someone else has been through worse. I'll work on a separate blog post wherein I shall acknowledge all of The Bad Things I've Handled With Grace. That will be a tough one. I will do it anyway. Therapy by way of blogging.
Back to the recent realization that I'm an alpha female. My new very insightful friend said quite a few things last night, that made too much sense for me to downplay. One thing in particular. Several of my girlfriends have been trying to say this for the last 4 years, but this friend said it in such a way that I heard it. I said "I rope in the men, but my *keeper* is broken."
Oh. OH!!!! And there it is. In one text bubble. *mic drop*
And then there was this exchange.
I thought about that last line all night. ALL. NIGHT. My girlfriends get me. They understand me. They've been supportive and kind while I figure my stuff out. They haven't been shy about delivering some tough truths and letting me know when I need to get my shit together. They aren't letting me wallow about this most recent break up. But to have someone really see who I am? I can't remember ever hearing that before. I don't think I believe anyone has ever really seen who I am. We tell ourselves stories about who we think we are, and it's all intertwined with truths and lies that have been placed on us with our family history/damage. Something about this friendship has made it very easy for me to be myself. Plain and simple. Not that I am at all plain and simple (because alpha female!!) but I have just been very raw and real in our interactions. I'm very impressed that he got through to me.
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